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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30087897">The push we needed</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/inquisitive_Palmtree/pseuds/inquisitive_Palmtree'>inquisitive_Palmtree</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supergirl (TV 2015), supercorp - Fandom</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Declarations Of Love, F/F, Falling In Love, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Love, Slow Burn, Soft Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Soft Lena Luthor, SuperCorp, SuperCorp Sunday, SuperCorp Week, wlw supergirl</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 21:08:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>12,453</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30087897</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/inquisitive_Palmtree/pseuds/inquisitive_Palmtree</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This begins evoking sadness from both Lena and Kara after the reveal. However, some life-or-death situation might just be what they need to tell each other how they really feel.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kara Danvers &amp; Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers/Kara Zor-El, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor/Supergirl, Lena Luthor/Kara Zor-El</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>142</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This story was written because of a challenge. A friend of mine asked me to write a story based on random thing she pointed, such as: </p><p>•Had to happen in Memphis (during winter), specifically in a warehouse.<br/>•Kara and Lena love each other but are scared to acknowledge it.<br/>•For some reason Kara can’t use her powers.<br/>•And at some point, Lena has to be angry.</p><p>Based on those requests, I wrote two different stories: one happening after the reveal (this one) and the other one before Lena knew (I haven't posted it yet).</p><p>Hope you like it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Chapter 1</strong>
</p><p>“I will be there tomorrow morning, I promise”, Lena read on her screen, and the corner of her mouth turned up slightly in a smile, remembering the little frown Kara usually did when she was worried. She hadn’t seen her in a while, but she could still <em>feel</em> her through her texts. After Lena moved out of National City, Kara dropped by a few times to check on her, but their friendship wasn’t the same. There was still some closeness. They both make sure to reach out at least twice a month to keep it alive to the bare minimum, but it wasn’t the kind of intimacy they once had.</p><p>About six months after Kara reveal herself as Supergirl to her, Lena moved across the country. She needed space to breathe, to heal. But in those 8 months apart, Kara had always found a way into her mind <em>and hearth</em>.</p><p>“It’s really not necessary, Kara. At this point death threats are like routine training drills for Luthor’s bodyguards”, she typed raising her eyebrow, teasing the girl of steel, and regretting it a few seconds later when she remembered Kara -soft and caring Kara- was the one reading it. “I will be fine, I swear, is just a little speech” she added.</p><p>“You will be because I’ll be there” … “I will always protect you”. She must have read that last text about a thousand times before shaking her head and focusing back on her spinning bike.</p><p>Exercising always help her when she needed to clear her mind. It started as some sort of therapy during the first weeks in the new city. She worked non-stop during the day and exercised during the night to tire herself up and avoid thinking about Kara. It had become a habit at this point. And every time she finds herself having mixed feeling about the Kryptonian, she just keeps pedalling, harder, until her muscles ache more than her heart.</p><p>She was angry and hurt but she didn’t hate Kara. It was the opposite in fact, and that was the problem. Every delightful memory she had of them together, being happy or growing closer, was now stained by betrayal and by the tangible feeling of being all fake. All of it had felt real to Lena at the time, but all the sudden, that <em>reality</em> shattered. A stabbing feeling emanating from her gut would surround her just with the thought of that, of her. She couldn’t stop wondering <em>what if</em>.</p><p>
  <em>What if Kara misled her? What if she had imagined it all? what if she let herself believe that their growing friendship was reciprocal because of how much she wanted that to be true instead of… that being the actual truth? And why did Kara had told the truth to each one of the super-friends and not her? Why wasn't she worthy on Kara’s eyes?</em>
</p><p>Those two might have lie to her, and even intentionally do so to keep an eye on. But Lena knew that what really hurt was that she hurt herself by creating, living, and reliving those fake scenarios. After all, Lilian taught her people were never to be trusted, so it was her mistake, her fault, if she ever got hurt.</p><p>She was angry, hurt, and scared. That's why she left. If she had stayed there, reliving all of that, the Luthor within her might try to hurt Kara, to make her feel miserable for what she did. She could not let that happen, not to Kara. So yes, she sold CATCO back to Cat, packed her stuff and left to open a branch office in Memphis. The Board had been telling her for months that Memphis was the headquarters for major manufacturing activity, so it was the perfect excuse to bury herself in work until things hurt less.</p><p>“This isn’t working”, Lena mumble after a long sigh, getting off the bike. It was time for something stronger to get her out of her mind. She poured herself some scotch and waited for her bubbling-and-hot bath to be ready.</p><hr/><p>Kara put her phone down and went back to reading the file the DEO had sent her. Apparently, for the past few days they have been hearing some discreet rumours among alien’s criminal circles of a new high-profile target. But something was off. There was no record of any major criminal activity happening on National City, and she had started to fear the worst: Lena might have a bounty on her head.</p><p>It had to be her. She was the only super-friend who was out of the city, she was a genius capable of building any kind of out-of-this-world gadgets (it wasn’t a secret among the universe that she created a Transmatter Portal with Rhea, the queen of Daxam… before she knew she was bad, of course), she was hated enough by both humans and aliens, AND she had been seen working close and hanging out with Supergirl. Anyone could be after her.</p><p>“Oh Lee, why did you had to move so far away?” she thought while closing the file with a frown on her face. It would be so much easier if she could just close her eyes and search for Lena’s heartbeat to make sure she was okay. In National city, if something felt off, she could just fly there within seconds. But now, she had to fly for 2 hours to get to her, maybe 20 minutes if it was an emergency… still too late for a real life-or-death situation.</p><p>She opened her fridge and grabbed a portion of chocolate cake she had left. Eating always helped whenever she felt anxious, especially if it involved Lena. Ever since the reveal, things weren’t the same between them. She couldn’t blame her for feeling deceived, but she didn’t regret hiding her identity either.</p><p>It was to protect her. Rao knows how many enemies a Luthor can have, she didn't want to add intergalactic and dangerous aliens to that. The idea of Lena getting hurt or kill because of her, terrified her. However, deep down Kara had a much selfish reason. She wanted to preserve the way Lena looked at her as <em>Kara</em>, as the quirky, enthusiastic, bright, and somewhat clumsy woman. When she was with Lena, she could allow herself to be just <em>Kara</em>. Not the cheerful journalist Danvers she presented publicly to the world, pretending to be human; nor the unbreakable and brave Kryptonian hero who protected earth either. With Lena, she could be who she once was at her <em>home</em>. Someone she thought she had forgotten how to be when Krypton died. She could allow herself to be vulnerable, to embrace the nuances of emotions, and to be without a purpose, an intention, or a secret.</p><p>That was too precious to give up. So, she would do everything in her power to help Lena heal, even if that meant giving her space. Well, reasonable space, Kara will still drop by from time to time to check on her. Noting intruding, though, landing on her balcony unannounced wasn’t on the table anymore. Kara would call her, letting her know now she was near Memphis and could visit for a couple of hours if Lena wanted to. And for all the times Lena had agreed, Kara makes sure to bring little gifts to make Lena smile. Nothing some flowers or a Big Belly Burger couldn’t do.</p><p>She reached for her alarm clock and set it at 5 AM, “more than enough time to go to Dublin and back”, she thought, pleased picturing how happy Lena would be with her favourite scones. Lena needed to know she was still rooting for her, for them, and she was certainly not going to let anyone hurt her. <em>Not on her watch</em>.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. old habits die hard</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>... "She couldn’t resist a smile at the sight of Lena’s balcony opened. Several times before, right after the reveal, Kara has been really closed to collapse against the balcony door that was suddenly closed. It felt Lena was telling her she wasn’t welcome anymore, not unannounced. But things were getting better with each passing month, and today she was waiting for her with open doors."</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>CHAPTER 2</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Old habits die hard</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>As Kara flies across Memphis towards Lena’s heartbeat, she slows down to look around. The sun had started to shine against the fine layer of snow that was covering the city, dwindling the contrast of the Christmas light. The city was just starting to wake up inside the buildings, lighting some windows around the houses, turning on the coffee machines, or opening the door for their pets. And then she saw it. She couldn’t resist a smile at the sight of Lena’s balcony opened. Several times before, right after the reveal, Kara has been really closed to collapse against the balcony door that was suddenly closed. It felt Lena was telling her she wasn’t welcome anymore, not unannounced. But things were getting better with each passing month, and today she was waiting for her with open doors.</p><p>Kara landed on the balcony and shook the snow off her and the paper bag containing the famous Dublin’s Scones before entering the penthouse. Her eyes wander through the empty living room, “¿Lena?” - “In the kitchen!”</p><p>She closed the door and walked towards the voice to see Lena sitting on the kitchen island. She was still in her PJs and wrapped in a thick heating blanket. Her eyes were sunk in the laptop in front of her as she typed non-stop. “You didn’t leave your speech for the last minute, did you?” Kara said with an inquisitive voice.</p><p>Lena looked at her, smiling, but almost surprise to see her in her home. She had replied without really paying attention to something beyond her laptop. “Oh, you know I don’t really need to prepare for these things, I’m just writing a proposal for a new project”, she said teasing the blond and walking in her direction, “shame of you for thinking I would leave anything to the very last minute, if these scones weren’t here, I would say you didn’t know me at all, Ms Danvers”. The freezing temperatures mixed with hot cocoa (with an empty, roaring stomach) made it harder for Lena to filter her words, or at least that was her excuse for THAT. Keep it together, Luthor, she thought, biting her lips.</p><p>By that moment, Lena was standing in front of Kara reaching for the paper bag. Her hair was in a messy bun, and her oversized sweatpants and National City’s hoody making her look sleepy. She was being as sassy (¿or flirty?) as Kara remembered she was before, and that made her smile big time.</p><p>“Please tell me you left some hot chocolate for me”, Kara pouted looking at Lena’s empty mug,” I refuse to patrol or fight crime without one of those first”.</p><p>They both sat on the kitchen island sharing breakfast. Kara enjoying herself and Lena focusing again on her laptop, trying to ignore the little happy dance Kara did whenever she ate something she loved.</p><p>“By the way, you’re going to catch a bad cold if you keep leaving your balcony open during winter… I could have just knocked”</p><p>“Oh… no yeah, it was just this time. I knew you were coming and … well, I was going to be working on this. It was easier” she moved her hand dismissing Kara’s worries, “Plus, if I get a cold, I could take some days off, cancel some meetings and finish this proposal”</p><p>“That’s not how taking the day of works, Lena”, Kara said chuckling, “and is not too late to cancel the conference. We could use the whole death-threat situation as an excuse to either finish this proposal safely or … to have some fun, ¿you do remember what fun is, right?”</p><p>Lena hid a smile, rose her eyebrow, and cross her arms to sarcastically show the blond she was seriously contemplating it. “Tempting… but no. However, since you are here instead of protecting National City”, she rolled her eyes dramatically, “we could make the best of it ¿how about some dinner after the conference?” she bites her lip again, not sure if she should allow herself to open up again.</p><p>“First of all,” she started with a serious tone, adjusting her glasses, “I did not <em>irresponsibly</em> leave National City unprotected. Nia, Brainy and Jhon promised they would handle everything. And second…” she giggles “I was hoping you would ask. I’m dying to eat some Barbecue Nachos I smelled on the way here. We MUST go there”.</p><p>“It’s settled then” Lena replied with a beaming smile while she starts to go over the schedule of the day, “After you finish patrolling the city we’ll see each other at the conference’s lunch at noon (don’t worry, I called last night asking them to include potstickers), we’ll stay there just for my speech and then we can leave to whatever you call “have fun” just to finish with BBQ Nachos for dinner”.  Kara had grown to love those little monologues Lena did to plan her day trying to leave very little to eventuality or to last-minute changes, it helped with her anxiety. And Kara longed to hear them, especially when those lists include spending time with her.</p><p>“Yes ma’am”, and grabbing one more scone to go, she got up to change to her Supergirl suit and patrol the city.</p><p>“Wait”, Lena shouted reaching for Kara’s arm, “who will be my plus one today?”</p><p>“what do you mean? Me…” Kara chuckled in confusion. Both the question and the sudden touch in her arm had taken her off guard.</p><p>“No, Kara” Lena laughed, “I mean who will be my plus one today: Kara Danvers or Supergirl? I need to report it to the conference planner so they can let you in”</p><p>“Oh… I don’t know ¿what do you prefer?” … who do you prefer, she thought frowning and staring at the floor.</p><p>“Well, a Luthor and a Super will always be a powerful image, you know, like the ultimate couple… duo”, damn it Luthor, she sights clutching her eyes, “but…” I would like to have <em>you</em> by my side, she thought, yet what came out of her mouth was “maybe having Supergirl as my personal bodyguard would be a little problematic. Perhaps you could go as Kara? the best reporter to cover the event?”</p><p>“…Alright, I’ll see you there”, and with that, she flew away to the freezing sky with a smile in the corner of her mouth.</p><hr/><p>Lena was born to lead. Her presence had the power to change the dynamic of an entire room, and the way she constructed the narrative of her speeches was simply outstanding. She could be talking about the most complicated technology or experiment in the universe and still make it sounds understandable to all minds without oversimplifying it or taking away its magic. When Kara was writing a story about her, the real change was to be objective and not simply declare she was the genius and stunning woman who could do it all.</p><p>Today was no different. She was mesmerized by the image Lena was portraying on the stage. She was dress in an all-black fashionable outfit that gave the impression of being a power suit designed just for her. She was wearing her raven hair up in a perfect and simple ponytail, creating the perfect contrast with her red lipstick. And Kara could have easily written an article about the effects of that red lipstick on the audience and how that suit served her right by making her look badass, smart, and… sexy? ¿had she been working out? because oh Rao her ass looked fine in that suit.</p><p>“Maybe I should buy a tailored suit someti…” Kara’s idea was interrupted by a loud explosion that almost made her lose her balance. The guarded doors of the conference room had been blown away and the multitude was running chaotically. Through the smoke, Kara saw three threatening bodies rushing into the place. One of them was a massive K'hund, like the one she once encountered robbing a bank while she was under the influence of red kryptonite. The other two… she wasn’t so sure what they were, but judging by their strength and armours, they were definitely not humans.</p><p>She was finishing rushing the reporters away, when she heard Lena shout.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>¿What do you think will happen?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. An unfathomable feeling</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The attack is happening, but  ¿who will save whom?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>CHAPTER 3</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>An unfathomable feeling</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The guarded doors of the conference room had been blown away and the multitude was running chaotically. Through the smoke, Kara saw three threatening bodies rushing into the place. One of them was a massive K'hund, like the one she once encountered robbing a bank while she was under the influence of red kryptonite. The other two… she wasn’t so sure what they were, but judging by their strength and armours, they were definitely not humans. She was finishing rushing the reporters away when she heard Lena shout.</p><p>“Kara, my coat!”, she yelled from backstage and moved her hands repeatedly asking to bring it to her.</p><p>“¡¿What?!” she shouted in disbelief of such priorities. Yes, it looked expensive and unique but… “¿seriously?”</p><p>“Trust me, please” she muttered, so only Kara could hear.</p><p>Kara grabbed the carmine red coat that was sitting next to her chair and threw it at Lena before pulling off her glasses. With that, her white pencil dress and blue navy coat that made her looked so delicate, transformed into Supergirl’s suit.</p><p>No matter how many times she saw it, Lena was always shocked by the change in Kara’s body language when she is wearing the suit.  The warm and joyful reporter disappear to this mighty warrior with her typical hand-on-wait pose.</p><p>Lena snaps that thought away and hurries to put on her coat and activate it. She was done being the princess in need of a rescue. Kara had saved her enough and after everything, she wasn’t sure she could still count on her. Hopefully, all of her previous experiences with dead threats make it relatively easy to predict the next move of her attackers. So, naturally, she spent a day or two enhancing her coat with nanotechnology to create a very subtle shield. And, since innocent people usually get hurt as collateral damage when someone tried to kill her with multiple shotguns, she added new biotechnology that could identify human DNA on a 50ft radio and replicate the shield of her coat.</p><p>It wasn’t much compared to what the Girl of Steel could do... she was literally fighting a massive alien while flying people out of the building or preventing someone from getting crushed by a concrete block of the shattering celling. But, still, Lena was proud of her device. Thanks to that, no one got hurt when the other two aliens open fire towards the audience with that weird-looking purple guns.</p><p>Supergirl was struggling to free herself from the K’hund that was lifting her a few feet from the ground with a tight grip on her throat, squeezing hard enough so the Kryptonian couldn’t breathe properly, when she saw the other aliens breaking the ice-wall she had created moments ago to separated them from the crowd.</p><p>Lena. That was all she could think of. She used her heat vision to injure the K’hund while twisting his wrist, finishing with an elbow punch that left him in the ground. Through the corner of her eye, she saw one of the attackers’ fire directly at Lena, who was putting out a fire near the emergency exit. The other one was about to fire a group of kids that were sheltering next to the coffee station. Everything was happening too fast, she needed to make a choice. Lena or the kids. One known live ore many unknown. ¿Was she willing to sacrifice her to save a few?</p><p>Oh, but she wasn’t just a “she”, she was Lena. It was her Lena. <em>Her world, her last piece of her old-self she had left. </em>And knowing her, she would never forgive her for choosing her. She ran as fast as she could to save those kids. Maybe she could still make it to her.</p><p>Supergirl used her body to shield the kids and used the thunder-clap to send a massive shock-wave to disorient both shooters. But it was too late, she thought, the purple bullet/laser thing had hit Lena in the back creating a blue gleam and sending her a few metres from where she was standing.</p><p>“Lee!” – her voice was shaking. She had failed. She didn’t protect her as she promised. She hurt her, again. She betrayed her, again. She might have lost her beyond any scones or flowers could possibly help. She cupped her cheek with watery eyes, ready to scan her with x-rays.</p><p>“I’m fine, just go get the bad guys” -Lena stopped her, groaning in pain. The shot had thrown her away, landing on a … now broken table. And even if the enhanced coat prevented the bullet from penetrating her skin, the impact itself was enough to feel like shit. But the hero didn’t leave her side. There was something odd in Supergirl’s face. Something unusual on her: fear. “Supergirl, your <em>Kara</em> is showing”, Lena’s whispered while grabbing her hand and giving her a small smile, “this people need you, don’t worry about me”.</p><p>“What? But how- why- how”</p><p>“I told you I could take care of myself”, Lena replied with her characteristic sassy smile, “I turned my coat into a bullet-proof shield, and it can replicate that effect on humans relatively close to me, but you need to go. NOW. This won't work if the building collapses with everyone in here”.</p><p>She nodded, with more determination than ever and flew away. Was there anything Lena Luthor couldn’t do?</p><hr/><p>After successfully neutralizing the two armed aliens who were shooting at both the people and the building, Supergirl used her heat vision to repair the structural damage and buy more time so everyone could evacuate. But, their leader, the K’hund. Where was he?</p><p>“¡¿Where did he go?!” she asked a second time, almost screaming and grabbing the aliens by their chest armour.</p><p>“He’s completing the mission. We were just a distraction in case you came, so he could go after the first target, the Luthor”</p><p>“¿First target? Why, what do you want from her”, she said, preparing her heat vision as a warning to not lie.</p><p>“Look, we’re here for the money the K’hund promised, there is no need for the glowing eyes”.</p><p>“Then speak, quick”</p><p>“We heard the new Royals from Daxam put a bounty on the Luthor’s head. They want revenge on those who killed their leader with lead dust”</p><p>“But I did it, I killed Rhea when I activated the device, Lena shouldn’t pay for my actions”. Supergirl dropped them and tie them as fast as she could before heading out.</p><p>The K’hund was in the park next to the building, throwing Christmas’ decorations and cars around, demanding the Luthor to show herself and surrender. “This is your last chance to stan down”, she landed a couple of metres in from on him, carrying in her arms the car he had tossed, and putting it gently on the snow-covered street.</p><p>“Supergirl, I must admit your presence here was a pleasant surprise, you are far from home, and here, it would be easier to kill you. No one has your back here, and after I kill you, I’ll go after the Luthor. Two targets in one day …”</p><p>“I wouldn’t be so sure about that”</p><p>“Oh, money really is a good motivator… and a good provider too”. All of the sudden, his bionic red-eye, which he had used to shot heat lasers, turned green. That kind of green she was so familiar with, so afraid of. He removed his t-shirt revealing an armour that was also starting to glow green. And, as if that wasn’t enough to make her sick, he grabbed a kryptonite gun hidden in his calf.</p><p>Lena watched horrified as the Massive alien attacked Supergirl. She had managed to melt the gun with her heat vision after kicking it to the air. But he was hitting her with everything he got. The veins of the hero were glowing, pounding deeply every time the green substance was close or worse, touching her directly with every shot from his eye. Lena could see the pain in her eyes, she was bleeding, and it was getting harder to stand firmly. Her moves were slow, and every time she used her strength a painful groan came out of her mouth as a muted cry.</p><p>She had called Alex asking for the DEO’s backups, but it would take few hours for them to get there. A snowstorm was starting to get there, and it would only make things harder for the team to get on time.</p><p>She had to do something. The snow around the fight scene had red patches from her blood. The K’hund had punched Supergirl hard in her ribs and she was now laying in her back. He was on top of her, hitting her repeatedly.</p><p>Everyone surrounding the park was holding their breaths, not knowing what to expect, what to believe. Supergirl was hardly moving when he stopped. “You are not getting out of this one, blondy, not so easy”, he shouted and went to grab the nearest streetlamp to use it like a lance.</p><p>Lena refused to just stay there and watch her die. She was going to try something, and if that didn’t work, at least they would die together. None of them would have to live blaming themselves for the others death.</p><p>Taking advantage of the attacker’s distance, Lena started running towards the super to belly-jumped on top of her, hugging her just as the mighty K’hund was throwing the spear with all his vigour. And they were both gone.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry about the grammar mistakes. English is not my first language and sometimes I forget to proofread the chapter before posting it.<br/>I've been busy with work stuff so it was hard to find some time to write and post. I promise to be faster with the next one.<br/>----<br/>¿What do you think just happened to both of them?</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Please, take my hand</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>"You need to take care of yourself too, you need to heal. Please, let me help you”. Lena extended one of her hands, offering the Kryptonian to take it.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>CHAPTER 4</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>Please, take my hand</em></strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Taking advantage of the attacker’s distance, Lena started running towards the super to belly-jumped on her, hugging her just as the mighty K’hund was throwing the spear with all his vigour. And they were gone.</p><p>There was silence, and everything was dark.</p><p>“It worked!” Lena chuckled in disbelief, she really was a genius, “oh my god it really worked!”. Her excitement dwindled as she looked down at the woman she was laying on top of. Kara’s arms, that had been weakly wrapping Lena’s waist, had slipped to the floor. She wasn’t ok.</p><p>“Where are we? Are we dead?” she mumbled, <em>you shouldn’t have died with me, Lee.</em></p><p>Lena kneeled next to her and patted carefully until she founded her hand. It was hard to see in the dark, and maybe it was for the better. She wasn’t sure how to keep her composure and neutrality anymore. She was so worried. The invisible frontier between Kara-Supergirl identities was blurry.  It didn’t matter who’s persona was there, it was the woman she had grown to love. <em>Love… ¿was she really admitting loving her? </em>There was no time for that train of thought, the woman was wounded and probably scared too.</p><p>“We are safe”, Lena answered trying to hide her concern. “I saw how- … you were getting hurt because of me and… look, I just couldn’t leave you there so I might have…” she sighed, not knowing if the Kryptonian would like to hear where they were. “we are in one of many Lex’s secret warehouses”</p><p>Groaning, Kara used one of her elbows to help her sit up and faced Lena. Her other hand still in the brunette’s. She didn’t want to let go. “It was revenge for Rhea’s death, it had nothing to do with you, Lee. ¿How… did we get here? And are you sure is safe?”</p><p>The building pressure on Lena’s shoulder dropped as soon as she heard her voice murmuring again. No traces of anger, just … Kara being soft, sweet and concern Kara.</p><p>“Well, ¿remember I was writing a proposal this morning?” she said while helping the blond sit up properly, “I found one of Lex’s watches, the ones he used to create portals. It was damaged but I’ve been trying to reverse engineer them to create a sustainable transportation system for all. And apparently, the prototype works, I wasn’t sure it would, though”. Lena started to explain all of the things that could have possibly go wrong, including getting impaled by the k’hund lance, disintegrating, transport somewhere different like the middle of the ocean or the galaxy, or…</p><p>“But you saved me, your stupidly genius brain saved me”, Kara interrupted Lena’s anxious list of possible failure with a smirk.</p><p>“¿Thank you… I guess?”, she laughed</p><p>“Hey, you ARE a genius, that’s no secret” she tried to laugh but a stabbing pain in her … everywhere, stopped her. “But you were pretty stupid too, you could have died” <em>and you are not allowed to die.</em></p><p>“You and me both, but we didn’t. And per your second question… I’m not entirely sure is safe”, she bitted her bottom lip and paused, “It is a good sign that nothing tried to kill you the minute we got here, and you can be absolutely certain no one knows about this place, it was one of the first one he built and then he kind of forgot about it when he built better ones. However, knowing Lex there HAS to be something not Kryptonian-friendly”</p><p>Lena stood up and started to search for a switch light. Even when her brother was friends with Superman, he built stuff to “level the field”. She needed to find what that was so she could destroy it and focus on Kara.</p><p>“Lena, something is wrong, I can’t see!”, Kara was suddenly panicking, “My x-ray vision I mean. I can’t use it to scan the place”. She focused on her hearing, searching for that familiar heartbeat. Nothing. The only thing pounding in her ears was her own blood rush, accelerated by the pain she was feeling in her ribs and face.</p><p>Lena hurried her search and turned the lights on. Everything was normal, no kryptonite around, no green and suspicious objects. It was a “regular” lab. They had landed near a marble table with a variety of testing utensils and a microscope. The rest of that area had a sink, some stools, and drawers. Opposite to that, was a sitting area, a big couch and some bins surrounded by lamps and books. Next to that, a glass door leading somewhere else. Kara couldn’t see further because the light on that side was turn off and the bright one on this one was giving her a headache. <em>¿A headache? How was that even possible without kryptonite around? </em></p><p>“Oh, that evil bastard is good”, Lena pointed at one of the light panels above her, “he hid a Red sun replica”. The panel had a little crack on the corner that let a red ray out. He must have put a lighting setup to cover the red colour, <em>R + G + B = white, he created white light blending all the colours of the spectrum. Smart.</em></p><p>“¿Can you turn it off?” Kara asked while standing with questionable balance.</p><p>“Here, let me help you”, Lena approached her and hesitated before wrapping her arm on her waist. <em>It felt so good, though, so right. </em>They hadn’t hug or been that close in ages. ¿Was Kara comfortable with physical contact coming from her? Her heart made a little jump when Kara carefully removed her hair from her shoulder to rest her arm there without taking the chance of accidentally pulling it. Always so caring. “I can’t, it might be easier to modify it into a yellow sun, but it’ll take a while, I need to improvise with whatever I find here”.</p><p>Lena helped Kara sat on the couch and for the first time she stopped to really look at her, detailing the marks of the fight. <em>Oh, Kara</em>. There was a big cut on her upper-right side of her forehead, still blood coming out of it, and her hair -the one close to it- was cover in it. Her left bone cheek had a bad bruise expanding toward her eye and temple.  And her lips, <em>oh her beautiful and tender lips…</em> there was blood on one of the corners too.</p><p>“That bad, huh?” Lena’s face didn’t do a good job hiding her concern and compassion. Her hand, without her realizing, was cupping one of Kara’s cheek with such a soft touch, almost as she was afraid of bruising her even more.</p><p>Kara’s words bring her back from her thoughts and she retrieved her hand blushing. “Is not good. We need to treat those cuts and make sure you don’t have any other bad injuries. Until I can build a yellow sun source, your body will need to heal as human”.</p><p>“No Lena, I need to go back, he’s still out there. I need to stop him”, she said while attempting to storm out, but only achieving a step or two without her head spinning terrible and her ribs stabbing her again.</p><p>“You can’t even stand properly, Kara, you need to heal!”</p><p>“I will be fine. As soon as I get out of here, an actual yellow sun will receive me. Open the portal”</p><p>“Kara…”</p><p>“Lena, open the portal. Now” the stubborn blond interrupted her.</p><p>“I won’t”, a very determined voice came out of her, “the DEO will be there soon to contain him and all of his kryptonite weapons that, in case you don’t remember, can kill you”.</p><p>Lena raised her hand when she saw Kara’s mouth opening again to protest. “Let me speak. We are the targets, Kara, without us in the picture, he won’t attack any place. Without us, he doesn’t have a motive to do so. And third”, she paused. Her voice became softer, and she took a step closer to Kara.</p><p>“Look at you, please, and if you don’t want to listen to me, at least remember Rao’s words: <em>protect us so we can protect others. </em>You won’t help anyone being dead. You need to take care of yourself too, you need to heal. Please, let me help you”. Lena extended one of her hands, offering the Kryptonian to take it.</p><p>Silence. Kara seemed to be having an internal debate in her head. Alex could need her help, but she will also agree with Lena about this. There wasn’t much she could do with kryptonite out there and the DEO had deal with a K’hund before. Plus, due to the heavy snowstorm, the streets were probably empty so no one could be hurt by him if he started to throw cars again. And, maybe it was the red sun, but she did feel like she could use some rest.</p><p>“Okay”, she said defeated and took Lena’s hand.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Bare-naked in more that one sense</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>CHAPTER 5</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>Bare-naked in more that one sense</em></strong>
</p><p> </p><p>Kara took Lena’s hands and allowed herself to be guided to the couch again. There was no point in arguing back.</p><p>Before she sat next to Kara, to examine her wounds, Lena tossed her coat/shield to the ground, rolled up the sleeves of her shirt and undo two of the top buttons. The radiator of the place was already heating the place enough for her to get rid of everything wintery.</p><p>And while she was busy looking closely at the blond’s forehead wound, Kara found herself wondering through every inch of the pale skin revealed in front of her. She slowly detailed her neck, her long and delicate neck, where Kara guessed Lena had put on some perfume that morning. The fragrance was still there, and she was close enough to smell the familiar signature scent. Kara had travelled all over the world and knew for sure it was unique, the perfect captivating combination for Lena Luthor: softness and hardness on some hard icy notes deepened by a soft drift of morning dew that reminded Kara of a wakening green forest. Somehow it was the perfect balance between the beauty of her femininity and the distinctly ‘masculine’ elements that she displayed very well as a powerful CEO. Her eyes continue all the way from the neck to the collarbone, and then drifted down, to where the pale skin disappeared into the fabric.</p><p>“Hey, umm, Kara?”, Lena called her again, <em>¿was she imagining things of she was checking her out? Nah, it couldn’t be, it was probably Kara’s attempt to lower her head so she could take a better look of the injury. </em>“you need stitches on your forehead. And your eye and lip need some ice to bring the swollen down. But before that-”, Lena looked her down and up, “you have to take off your super-suit so I can examine you further”. Kara's eyes widen and her mouth slightly open, struggling to say something that didn’t come out as Lena continued, “you know, because the K’hund punch you several times in your torso. And shower too, we need to remove the dry blood before the sutures”.</p><p>
  <em>Oh Rao</em>
</p>
<hr/><p>Lex used to spend hours or even days making crazy science with Lena, to the point he let added an extra bed, bathroom, and wardrobe for her to use freely in almost every lab he built.  So, fortunately, Lena found some clothes of her young self for Kara to change into. She had carefully placed the folded fabric in a stool next to the walk-in bathtub, gave Kara some painkillers to take, and leave to give her some privacy. Not without warning her first not to lock the door so she could enter in case of an emergency.</p><p>“Lena”, she asked, and she poked her head out the door as a reply, “do you think you could, umm, help me prepare a warm bath? My … everything is sore, I think it might be better than just a shower”. She was fidgeting with cape, avoiding Lena’s gaze.</p><p>“That’s... not a good idea, Kara” she came closer and tilted her head to reach Kara’s eyes, her arms cross, “As soon as an injury occurs, the best thing to do is use ice instead of heat. Icing decrease inflammation and numb pain in the area, so if what you are looking for is reducing pain, what you should do is constricts blood vessels and decreases circulation with cold”.</p><p>Alex usually took one of those whenever she finished a field mission or a hard combat training. It seems to be awful as well as beneficial and helpful to the human body. Thus, Kara growled and accepted. How bad could it be, if Alex was capable of doing it, so did she. She might not have her powers, but she was still an alien, her body might resist better the low temperatures ¿right?</p><p>“Don’t worry, I’ll be right outside and as soon as you finish, I’ll make you some hot tea to warm you up”, Lena reassured her with a smirk on her face right after setting up the tub for a temperature of 10°C.</p><p>The freezing water was… not pleasant but she could certainly feel her sore body thanking her. The stabbing pain in her ribs was diminishing, or at least she believed it because now she was too preoccupied with the breath-taking cold.  However, that same thing was making her mind occasionally drifted off to the phantom zone. She needed distraction to avoid that, otherwise, she would end up having an anxiety attack. That was the last thing she needed.</p><p>Kara called Lena's name and asked her if she could come in and keep her company to quiet her mind and ignored the burning cold.  The brunette, who was now on comfortable PJs, barefoot and was wearing her hair down, froze in the door. <em>Is Kara naked in there? Of course, she is, you dumbass! How else would she take a bath? Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, what do I do? </em>The Kryptonian had asked for her help to avoid thinking about a traumatic and triggering experience, she couldn't just say no. And, even if she desired to see those god-like toned muscles and let her mind roam free on unspeakable thoughts, she knew that was wrong. Kara was vulnerable right now, and she wasn't going to take advantage of that. And Lena was a woman of her words, so no peeking beyond Kara’s chin.</p><p>She asked Kara if she could make some adjustments so neither of them felt awkward by the nakedness. She needed to draw a line somewhere to not make Kara uncomfortable, Lena didn’t know anything about friendships or the rules that surround this kind of relationship, she always deprived herself of some kind of intimacies and invasion of her personal space.</p><p>And to be honest, Kara hadn’t thought of that, she was too worried about the state of her mind to consider she was completely naked. She crossed her arms around her breast and did the same with her thighs, bending her knees a little bit, protectively, when the door opened. With Kara's approval, Lena dimmed the lights before entering any further and sat on the floor (instead of the stool) facing Kara's blue eyes.</p><p>They started to talk about mundane stuff, to “break the ice” (on Kara’s words, pun intended). They talked about movies, food and new gameboards, before landing on Kara’s work; it was amusing to think about how Kara Danvers was dealing with the fame her Pulitzer had brought to her life. She had become a public figure and apparently, people on Twitter couldn’t stop talking about how much she ate without gaining weight.</p><p>“Is not funny, okay?! Alex has been all over me asking me to be more careful, the DEO had to assign an agent just to keep an eye on that trending subject”. Lena can’t help the laugh that escapes her lips at that statement, imagine being a government secret agent just to follow hashtags on Twitter. There was even a new challenge to try and eat a ‘Danvers regular lunch’. “You can’t really blame them, Kara, you DO eat like a freacking dinosaur, publicly and with much pride!”. God she would love to see how her L-Corp PR team, or the Luthor’s PRs, would handle that. She was full belly laughing at the image, and when she looked up, she saw Kara shaking her head with a playful frown.</p><p>It felt almost as normal, back to the days when they had this ‘joking around and teasing each other with love’ kind of conversations on a daily basis. Kara craved it more than anything else, to be able to unwind so freely and to connect again with her person. It made her so, so happy to be able to make Lena laugh like that. She missed this, a lot. It was lonely to not have her, to not have someone she could be herself instead of switching back and forth between being Danvers or Supergirl. She was way more than that just one or the other, and she only had remembered that with Lena.</p><p>They continue to talk for a couple of minutes, in which Lena had taken the opportunity to carefully stitch up Kara’s forehead after gently washing a part of her hair that was still stained with blood. Kara’s heart was glowing strangely, no one had ever taken care of me with such tenderness, not even Alex. I mean, she was after all the girl of steel, so even if Alex looked <em>after</em> her, she didn’t essentially look <em>at</em> her with the same silent softness she was getting from Lena.</p><p>“Okay, you have been here for almost 20 minutes, that’s more than enough cold for your powerless body. I will leave you so you can finish off and put on some clothes. I’ll start on the tea”</p>
<hr/><p>Lena was waiting for her at the marble table with two steaming mugs; she was sketching something on a notepad, and one could assume it was related to the yellow sun adaptation. Kara sat in front of her and murmured a thank you, she didn’t like to distract her when she was in her zone. So, she drank her tea silently.</p><p>After finishing her second one, she cleared her throat and asked, “When did you learn about Rao?”, Lena looked at her with misunderstanding in her eyes, “you quoted one of Rao’s prayers earlier…”</p><p>Lena bowed her head to hide the blush that was growing from her cheeks. Her mouth opened and closed a few times before something came out of it. “I did some research about krypton when I learn who you were. I hope you don’t think of it as an intrusion. I just-… I was curious and I felt we weren’t in a place where I could ask you those stuff to get to know the <em>real</em> you, the one behind the glasses and the cape”. She gestured vaguely pointing at Kara, who was sitting there being that version of her, without either the hero or reporter outfits.</p><p>Now it was Kara’s turn to look confused.</p><p>“¿What?”, she said, blushing even more.</p><p>“Nothing, I just find it ironic”, Kara was smiling with the corner of her lips, remembering with nostalgia how much Lena’s presence in her life evoked the word home. “I always felt you were the only one I could be truly me”. Her blue gaze met the green one in front of her.</p><p>“But don’t worry” she continued, shifting the undertone of the conversation to a brighter one. “As soon as you return to National City, we will have tons of movie night where you will be able to ask as much as you want”. <em>Rao knows how much I’ve missed that… you.</em></p><p>She had given up on the possibility of something romantic-style happening between them ages ago. She wasn’t even sure Lena was into women (<em>¿did Lena know the blond was into women?</em>) and she was not going to risk ruining what they had just for an idea. And after the reveal, when she lost her… well, she could not go through that again. She was going to supress the hell out of those romantic feelings until they go away and all she had left is friendship love. The kind of love that is not a gamble and can’t hurt either of them.</p><p>“Yeah, about that” Lena’s voice interrupted her thought, “… I’m not moving back”.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. This time you can't fly away</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>CHAPTER 6</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>This time you can't fly away</em> </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>“But don’t worry” she continued, shifting the undertone of the conversation to a brighter one. “As soon as you return to National City, we will have tons of movie night where you will be able to ask as much as you want”.</p><p>“Yeah, about that” Lena’s voice interrupted her thought, “… I’m not moving back”.</p><p>Lena had temporarily moved to Memphis with the clear purpose of opening a branch office there and leave everything in order for the new staff to carry on. However, the distance had helped her with the pain (not as much as she would have liked, but it was better than staying there). She had to stay for another month in Memphis, but she was already making plans to move, definitely, to London.</p><p>“I know we are getting better, Kara, but I can’t go back. There are too many-“… <em>memories, shatter hopes</em> <em>and way</em> <em>too much pain</em>, “I’m not ready. I’m moving to London after I finish here. And I hope we can still keep in touch, we can text, skype, or fly to visit each other, I mean I own a private jet and you are a jet-”.</p><p>“¡¿Why didn’t you tell me, why do we keep hiding things from each other?!”, Kara interrupted her almost yelling. She left her stool and was now pacing to ease the racing thoughts in her head. She was looking at the floor, evading Lena’s eyes, clutching her own.</p><p>“I don’t know Kara, maybe because every time one of us try to talk things through, the other one flies away!”. That came out of Lena’s lips with more exasperation than initially intended. Oh, but she wasn’t going to hold that ugly feeling in one of her ‘tinny boxes’ anymore.</p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?!”, Kara’s eyes widened and her frown was back. </p><p>“We need to address the elephant in the room Kara, things won’t go back to normal unless we talked about what happened. And I don’t mean addressing the fact itself, because we both know what happened. What we need is-… is to let everything out. We need to talk about why it hurt so damn much-”. She stopped herself before her heart had a chance to slip through her mouth, because <em>in what universe was it normal to hurt this much for ‘just a friend’. </em>She bitted her lips to hide the tremble and lower her head.</p><p>“…Lena…”, Kara approached the woman walking slowly, arms crossed.</p><p>“Every time I try to talk about it with you, to talk about the ‘why’, you came up with the same ridiculous excuse regarding my safety. I know I must sound like a broken record about that but”, she paused to breathe, there were tears accumulating in her eyes and a tight nod closing her throat. “¡God, it feels you are gaslighting me!”</p><p>Kara should have felt angry at that statement, how could Lena possibly think that. But the look on the other women face’s while pronouncing those words, simply shattered her heart. She looked so broken, so done. ¿had she really did that to Lena? The powerful and imponent CEO she had seen at the conference was unrecognisable. She looked so small, her body had somehow shrunken. With her elbow on the table, she had brought her head down so her hand could cover her temples. Her eyes were clenching hard, trying to stop the tears of pain from running down from deep inside into her cheeks. Kara gently put a hand on her back to rub it, but immediately retrieved it when Lena yelled “Don’t touch me”.</p><p>Oh Rao, she had done that. She had hurt Lena deeply.</p><p>Kara brought the stool next to her, sitting silently and placing a glass of water in front of Lena. Only after Lena had soothed her breathing, she decided to speak.</p><p>“I’m not flying away this time”, the world could be in the middle of the apocalypse for all she cared, she wasn’t going to leave her side. Lena lifted her head and green met blue, sincerely. “¿could you… explain to me what made- makes you feel that way?”. She was playing nervously with her hands, she felt so guilty already.</p><p>Lena nodded. She sniffled a few times to stop her running nose and gulped some water before she talked. Kara waited, silently, carefully looking at each of her movements. In her head, she could hear Eliza’s voice: <em>you have the most wide-open heart for other people, but when you feel vulnerable or weak, you punish yourself for it, you run. </em>She was right, as always. She used Supergirl as an excuse not to be honest with those who mean something important to her. How many times she had said ‘too many people depend on me, I can´t allow myself to be weak’, or ‘I’m not scared of anything’ while simultaneously <em>flying</em> away from conversation she didn’t want to face. She couldn’t lose more people, so she just… refuses to face things that might push them away. But she couldn’t do that anymore, not to the woman in front of her, who was allowing herself to be vulnerable, against everything the Luthor name stands for.</p><p>Lena started slowly, explaining she wasn’t even sure if that was an accusation directed to Kara or herself, but the fact was that she truly was feeling gaslighted, and that was destroying her. Since they talked about Supergirl identity, Lena had started to question and doubt her sanity, judgment and memories related to the blonde. And rethinking things like, when she was poisoned and Kara flew her in her arms, but then laughed when Lena said she remembered them flying… that kind of little and insignificant interaction made her wonder what else the hero had hide regarding their relationship and intentions. She was unsure of so many, many things, but she knew that dismissing your feelings and telling you your perception of the world is wrong, is gaslighting, intentional or not.</p><p>“I feel so lost, Kara”, she kept saying, “I left because talking to you or even thinking about you was hurtful… in a new and terrifying way”. And that was something big, coming from someone who had been hurt so many times because of her family. She explained the city itself was painful because it had all the memories of what she thought was their growing relationship but was now cover with question marks in her heart. “I don’t know who we are to each other and I used to believe <em>that</em> was the most certain fact I had since lex went mad”, all Kara could do was listening with tear silently rolling down her cheeks.</p><p>“And I know you had told me you didn’t share your identity with me because you wanted to protect me, but ¿do you know how stupid and false that sounds? I had a target in my back since I became a Luthor, it had nothing to do with you. And you… you told everyone, Win, Maggie, James, Lucy, Lyra… many others who know you less than I do, or at least I felt that. I was supposed to be someone close to you, you best friend, but you continued to withhold that information for years. You had so many chances Kara, and you decided I wasn’t worth it. Why wasn’t I worth it? Why did you let me think I was when I wasn’t?”, she mumbled, more to herself than her companion.</p><p>Kara’s lips open a few times, trying to find the right words, but nothing came out. Fortunately, Lena’s eyes were lost on the glass she had on her hands, so she didn’t notice and continue in an almost inaudible voice. “And- I don’t know if I’m imagining things or reading too much into your actions… the Dublin scones, the flowers, the way you sometimes look at me… I- why do you- what kind of friend- (sigh) I’m losing my mind”. <em>And you have no idea what that makes to someone’s self-esteem and anxiety.</em></p><p>“No, you are not” Kara reached for one of her hands, “You are right, as always. Everything you saw, you really see. Everything you experienced, you really did. And every single thing you feel, is real and valid, don’t ever forget that. You… you are not imagining things Lena, I-”, her heart was pounding hard, “I had, have, another reason why I decided to keep my identity for so long”.</p><p>Lena’s emerald eyes were now on hers. Oh, Rao, this was harder than she thought. She walked to the sink and pour herself a glass of water, drinking it all in one swallow. She couldn’t hold Lena’s gaze, so she focused on her shoes. “I was selfish. I was- no, I am deeply terrified of losing you as my friend. I wasn’t lying to you when I said I always felt you were the only one I could be truly me. I have spent so many years pretending to be human, to live through the Danvers identity, or to be a hero, that I forgot what it felt to be just me. I wanted to keep being dumb and nerdy with you, I wanted to be vulnerable or strong in something beyond physical strength, I- … I wanted to have you as my person as much as I could, to keep rediscovering all of our colours, without having to fulfil other ‘identity’ expectations. And-”</p><p>She stopped and looked at the roof in a useless attempt to keep her tear from falling. “I’m sorry, Lena, I-… It was never my intention to hurt you or to make you think you were losing your beautiful and incredible mind. But intended or no, my actions still hurt you and for that, I am really sorry”</p><p>“Thank you… for saying it, for owning it. It doesn’t magically fix it, but it is a step forward”, Lena had left the stool and was in front of Kara. Arms closed, still protecting herself somehow.</p><p>“I can’t change the past, but I’m willing to learn from it and… and if you want me around, I won’t make the same mistakes, as long as we promise not to keep things from each other. I really missed you, Lee, but I understand if you-”</p><p>“I missed you too”. And all of the sudden Kara was hugging her. Letting out the tightness they were both holding in their chest.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This isn't over, I promise!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Speaking of...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If you want to read this chapter with Lena's subtle soundtrack, you can find all the composition mentioned here (on Spotify): </p><p>https://open.spotify.com/playlist/6biU0E7Nq3m48W3GtqTfBm?si=Bqx1552rQDyYM-bdJhinZA&amp;utm_source=copy-link</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>CHAPTER 7</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Speaking of...</em>
  </strong>
</p><p> </p><p>That night, Kara went to bed exhausted, and alone. There was a lot to process, and she needed to breathe and clear her head. Lena was leaving, no –she corrected herself– Lena was leaving her.  She had an awkward tightness in her stomach. That fact was simply and universally wrong.</p><p>She just laid there, looking at the nothingness, and trying to imagine how to give her a healthy amount of space and time to heal, without that meaning growing apart. Rao… <em>please, don’t let her give up on this.</em></p><p>Some of Lena’s words kept rambling in her head until she finally gave up and let herself fall into a deep sleep, serenaded by Lena’s soft music playing outside.</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <em>“And- I don’t know if I’m imagining things or reading too much into your actions… the Dublin scones, the flowers, the way you sometimes look at me… I- why do you- what kind of friend- …”.</em>
  </p>
  <p>
    <em>The kind of friend who is in love with you, Lee… why didn’t I reply that?</em>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>Outside, Lena had decided to remain awake to work in the yellow sun lamps. She needed to force her brain to focus on something different than all of that. Going to sleep with emotion bursting through her skin would only make her cry for hours. Hours she was not going to spent feeling like shit being fatalist when she could be a genius instead. She was going to focus her energies on building something that could at least bring Kara some relief and comfort.</p><p>However, she had learned that keeping everything bottled up deep inside, in little boxes, was not the best option either. She needed to grieve somehow, and since words weren’t exactly her thing, she had invented a very subtle way to process her feelings in public without having to actually express herself (with just an App on her phone).</p><p>“I’m going to put some music on to concentrate, I hope it doesn’t bother you”, she had told Kara before the blond went to bed. And like that, she surrounded herself with music, to both engineer MacGyver-style and make room for catharsis.</p><p>Kara could slightly hear the music from the bedroom, but what she didn’t know was that… she was hearing what Lena was feeling without any kind of filter. Even if Lena had selected the “classical music” genre instead of another one (for appearances, obviously), the App was choosing the songs according to continuous readings of Lena’s neurological response to her environment, AKA to what she was feeling and thinking at that moment.</p><p>A really long list started to play smoothly, such as Chopin’s <em><strong>Nocturne</strong> Op. 9 No. 2</em>; Claude Debuss’ famous <em><strong>Suit</strong> <strong>Bergamsque </strong></em>(also known as Clair de lune); Franz Liszt’s <em><strong>6 consolations</strong> S. No. 3</em>; Erik Satie’s unique <em><strong>Gymnopédie</strong> No. 1</em>; Joe Hisaishi’s <strong><em>Nostalgia</em></strong>; Debuss’ <em><strong>Deux Arabesques</strong>, CD. 74:I; </em>Liszt’s <em><strong>Standechen</strong>; </em>Camille Saint-Saëns’<strong><em> The swan</em></strong>… and many others.</p><p>Eventually, Lena finished assembling all the pieces together nicely. It was about 1 a.m. and the Kryptonian in her old bed was softly snoring from the pain meds. All she had left was to run some numbers to calculate how much power the device could take while remaining stable and effective. She grabbed the tablet and settle down on the couch to do math with music no longer playing, until sleep started to catch up.</p>
<hr/><p>A big growl coming from her stomach woke Kara up; she hadn’t eaten in ages. On her way to the kitchen, she saw Lena sleeping on the couch. Her arms were up near her head and her face was partly covered in black hair. The tablet she had been working on, was now on the floor, with a lot of loose pages with formulas scrambled all over it.</p><p>She carefully picked them up and place them on the nearest coffee table. Her stomach growled again, loudly.</p><p>“Hi to you too”, said the raven-haired woman, with a rusty voice and a blush on her face due to the dramatic growl her stomach made echoing the blonde’s.</p><p>“Shoot, I didn’t mean to wake you up”, Kara reply giggling.</p><p>There was absolutely nothing to eat there, it must have been at least 10 years since the Luthor’s had used the place. The only things eatable were tea, honey, and cocoa. None of them made a proper breakfast to Kara, not after having tea, tears, and sleep for dinner the previous night.</p><p>Luckily, they had texted Alex earlier that night, that in Kara’s word was: “Update???? / Alex, seriously, there is no food here. I might die from starvation <strong>SOS</strong>”</p><p>To that, Alex had promised to drop by the next morning with plenty of food for an entire army. The DEO had successfully apprehended the three aliens. However, they hadn’t been able to take down the bounty on their heads yet, which meant there could be other attackers they didn’t know about. And considering Kara’s injuries and how far the DEO was, Lena was their best option.</p><p>They agree on the cocoa to distract their protesting stomachs until Alex arrival, making enough to drink more than once. While prepping it, Lena updated Kara on the yellow sun project she had finished a few hours ago. Everything was ready, all Kara needed to do was press a button and sit comfortably to drink her hot cocoa. And that was exactly what she did. It didn’t have the same intensity as the lamps in the DEO, but she could feel the warm feeling of her cells gradually, and very slowly, starting to recharge. Although, that feeling of wellbeing could have been the hot cocoa going through her throat, or even just the sigh of a sleepy Lena, but what matter was she was feeling better. A lot better.</p>
<hr/><p>“I’ll visit you if you still want to go”, Kara said changing the subject. “London sounds like a great opportunity to step back from your role as a CEO and return to being a scientist. And”, she said with a joyful tone, “we could finally visit Dublin together, maybe eat some scones-”, her eyes widen remembering what Lena had said before. “Sorry, I- errr- we don’t have to do that if you don’t want to”.</p><p>“It’s okay, Kara, I don’t … dislike those things”, <em>it’s just the purpose of those actions I find confusing</em>, she thought to herself, but continue with a reassuring smile, “and thank you, I’ll love that. I’m not sure if the decision will remain permanent… I still have to think things through. All I can say is that I applied for a postgraduate program in a University with a magnificent engineering and research curriculum, so I’ll have to live in the UK for at least a year… but I promise I'll think things through”</p><p>“¿WHAT?”, she almost spit her drink of excitement, “¡Lena I’m so happy to hear that! You have always wanted to do that to step back from L-corp and find your own path. I’m so proud of you”. Her hand had reached Lena’s.</p><p>“Although”, she continued, “Full disclosure… is going to suck not having you nearby”. <em>Someday we’ll be together again, enjoying being truly ourselves, even if that someday happen when we are old and grey.</em></p><p>“You can always come to find me whenever you want”, now it was Lena the one caressing Kara’s hand. But she suddenly stopped and retrieved her hand to grab her mug. She frowned slightly, like shaking a voice telling her to stop or change the subject. “You better do, you build a habit in me through these years and got me used to all of those little things”</p><p>“Oh, did I?”</p><p>“You did”, she replied with a shy laugh, “You taught me how wonderful it is to … to be loved, to have someone on your corner, rutting for you. I didn’t conceive any of that, even less how to... care for someone. But I learned that, thanks to you and your weirdly happy and colourful life".</p><p>“I love seeing you happy, it’s been such a long time… I missed seeing that smile”, Kara shifted to a teasing tone, “you should do it more often. You know, I heard is good for your health and everything”</p><p>All Lena could think of at that moment was that warming and familiar sensation in her chest that had brought her so many dilemmas. <em>I don’t want this feeling to be just in my head, to be imaginary. But is it worth risking this? How can I know if you are really feeling what I’m feeling? - </em>You are never going to know if you don’t ask, Luthor.</p><p>“Hmm”, she cleared her throat, “… speaking of no secrets, I wanted to ask you something”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm sooooo sorry for not posting in such a long time. I've been stressed out at work and a bit sick, but I promise I'll try my best to catch up this weekend.</p><p>I know this was a short one (I intended to write a larger one, with more interactions and emotions) but I just didn't want to spend more time without posting anything.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>CHAPTER 8</strong>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>This is really happening</em></strong>
</p><p>You are never going to know if you don’t ask, Luthor.</p><p>“Hmm”, she cleared her throat, “… speaking of no secrets, I wanted to ask you something”. It was now or never; Lena was sure about that.</p><p>“Anything”.</p><p>While Lena was on the edge of a nervous crisis, with her heart beating strongly inside her chest, Kara was innocently digging her finger in the honey jar and licking it. “Rao this is good stuff, it might be my hunger talking but this is really good, we must protect bees at all costs…”. She was mumbling through a mouthful of honey, more to herself than to Lena.</p><p>All Lena could do at that moment was watched with her mouth faintly open. Kara, licking something, licking her finger. Oh god don’t think about that right now, focus… oh but look at that little dance she does whenever she eats something delicious, how adorable is that. How beautiful is she-</p><p>“Want some?”, Kara extended her hand, offering the jar to the woman in front of her, shaking it a little bit to make the offer more attractive.</p><p>“… oh, no, thank you, enjoy yourself”</p><p>Kara shrugged, “your loss. Wait, you were about to ask something before I mentioned the bees’ outstanding performance on this honey… you were saying?”</p><p>“I- well- uhm”, she sighted trying to order her thoughts, “I was wondering if you…”, no, no, let’s start differently. “The scones, the flowers, the flying to see me… I like those things… I long for those things. I just find them confusing ¿you know?”</p><p>“¿Confusing how?” Kara was frowning, a bit lost to hear a statement instead of a question. Still focusing on the honey dripping from her finger, giving it a last lick before walking to the sink to wash it.</p><p>“Well, I- I might not be familiar with how friendship works but I don’t think- well”, Lena was following Kara with her eyes, all the way to the sink and back, anxiously trying to read her body language. She sat again across from her in the kitchen island with questioning eyes, waiting for Lena to continue. “maybe those actions are more characteristic of something different… such as a romantic friendship or maybe a courtship…” for fucks sakes Luthor, be direct, stop talking like a politically correct CEO and ask what you really want to know.</p><p>She sighed and braced herself, “Kara ¿do you have feelings for me? Romantic ones?”</p><p><em>What on earth just happened. </em>Since the word ‘romantic’ came out of Lena’s mouth, Kara had realized where the conversation was going to. <em>Oh Rao, did she really ask that? … an angry alien <span class="u">did</span> punch me in the head several times, maybe I’m hallucinating? No, no, this is happening, this is really happening. Okay breathe, say something! And for Rao sakes, don’t hurt her again.</em></p><p>Kara was just staring at her, mouth fully open, caught off guard. And those seconds she was taking to assimilate the question felt like excruciating hours to Lena. She arched her eyebrows at the blond, asking, begging for an answer.</p><p>“Uhmm…”, she finally reacted. She was caressing the back of her neck nervously, trying to avoid those green eyes that were following her non-stop. “¿Do you want me to?”</p><p>Lena didn’t react. She briefly interrupted their eye contact to poured herself more beverage. Now it was Kara the one panicking for the lack of answers. Then she spoke again, her voice softer than her posture, “Kara that’s not what I’m asking-”</p><p>“I do”, the blond interrupted. Those two blue eyes were no longer hiding. “I do have feelings for you. Wait, let me tell you everything I need to before the adrenalin wears off”. Lena’s mouth had open to say something but was cut off.</p><p>“Lee, the second I met you, I knew that I wanted to get closer to you. There are so many things about you that make me feel drawn to you, that make me want to be there for you”, Kara was smiling quietly, remembering that first encounter and the impact it had had in her career. “And I didn’t understand the nature of that feeling until it was too late. When you move away…”</p><p>Now she was staring at her fidgeting fingers below the table, “…when we grew apart because of my secret identity, I- I missed you in a way I haven’t miss any of my closest friends. I was heartbroken. It felt like… like someone had taken away my favourite person, and with that, my plans for tomorrow, and for the day after tomorrow, and for … the future in general. I was suddenly lost. I know it sounds stupid, but I felt lost because I couldn’t drop by to have lunch with you, or talked to you about the dramas at both our jobs, or just ask you silly questions about the universe”. She let her breath out, and blue met green again, with more intensity than before.</p><p>“I’ve missed you so much. And I didn’t have the guts to tell you because…”, a laugh escaped her mouth at the absurdity of what she was about to say, “well, for the same reason I didn’t tell you I was Supergirl: I was afraid of your reaction; I was afraid to lose you. I have hurt you before, and I know that you carry a lot of pain…”</p><p>Her biological mother, Lionel, Lex, Jack. The list of people Lena had love and loss was large. Lilian raising her with no physical contact and punishing strategically for asking, needing, or wanting to be reassured or loved.  Lena having to isolate herself when Lex went mad and suddenly her last name made her a target of monthly assassination attempts. And the absurd amount of people (like her employee Eve) that had betrayed her. It was a lot, but maybe life should be about more than just surviving, ¿right?</p><p>“… pain that has marked you deep, out of sight, out of mind, that is still there, and … my actions haven’t exactly helped you to heal that, quite the opposite I would say.  I don’t want to be an awkward burden for you in case you don’t feel the same way. I just want to be there for you, in whatever way you feel comfortable with”.</p><p>Lena had a shy smile growing on her face, and her eyes were watering. That was the first time someone had asked what she felt comfortable with. She was 100% sure of her feelings for Kara, but that didn’t mean she was ready to fully embrace a relationship and bring down all of her walls all of the sudden. But if someone was worth all of that, was definitely Kara.</p><p>“Could you stand up, please”, she asked with an almost inaudible voice. Kara was visibly puzzled, but she stood by the table anyway. “Do you need me to go? To give you space?”, there was a sound of worry and compassion in her voice.</p><p>“No”, Lena said abruptly, standing up too and approaching Kara. “I’m not good with feelings, but I’m good at hugging you”.</p><p>Lena had slipped her hands under Kara’s arms to hug her. The height difference between the two barefoot women, allowed Lena to rest her head in Kara’s collarbone, practically burring her face on the blonde’s neck.<em> Yes, you are, </em>Kara thought, wrapping her tighter, feeling their body relax as they get closer and a gigantic weight was lifted off their shoulders.</p><p>“This has always felt like home to me”, Lena had her eyes close and was focusing on the strong heartbeat next to her, “<strong>you</strong> feel like home, Kara Zor-El”. She took a few breaths before resuming. “I was heartbroken too, that’s why I left, everything reminded me of us… of the kind of ‘us’ I thought could never be, because… I thought I was imagining it”</p><p>“Is that what you mean by ‘reading too much into my actions’?”, one of Kara’s hand was now caressing Lena’s hair.</p><p>“Yeah”, she chuckled, burring her face a little bit deeper into the other one’s neck.</p><p>“Kara, I have never had this kind of intimacy with anyone, and it’s scary and wonderful at the same time. But if you ask me why do I find it scary, I would tell you that is because I don’t -ever- want to lose it again”. With that, Lena lifted her head to face Kara. Her hands were now on the hero’s waist, green linking with blue.</p><p>“…And if you agree, I would love to find out if this closeness, this intimacy of us, can grow even more. Kara Zor-El, ¿would you like to go on a date with me?”.</p><p>“Hey, it’s me! Open up I’m freezing”, Alex's voice came out loudly of the intercom of the lab, followed by multiple buzzes, startle them for a second.</p><p>They both laughed without breaking eye contact. “As annoying and inopportune as always I see”, Lena snorted sarcastically, rolling her eyes dramatically, which made Kara laugh even more.</p><p>“What is taking you so long, guys?”, Alex's voice resonated again, “You better don’t be doing anything inappropriate to my little sister, Luthor!”. They laugh again.</p><p>Kara cupped Lena’s cheek with her hand and stroked the cheekbone with her thumb, “I would love to go on a date with you, Lena Luthor”. And to seal that statement, she softly placed her lips on Lena’s remaining cheek, kissing her gently and whispering, “Now let’s go deal with my sister, shall we?”.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Let me know if you liked the story :)</p><p>(and if you would like me to write a short story for the date... also, what kind of date would you like it to be)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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